The Tekken 4th July Special: Revenge Of The Smith
by Caligula II
Summary: The fourth instalement of my holliday specials. Kazuya is at it again, but this time, an old foe seeks his deadly revenge. Things get worse when the FBILG returns with a new member.
1. Turfwar

**AN: Heyloo everybody. It's Caligula II back at it. After what I guess was a long and excrutiating wait, I'm back to writing holliday specials. Review them and the following chapters become cooler.**

**Without any further ado, commence au festival. (omg skillz)**

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It was a cheerful day in Anytown, America, when Eddie Gordo and his playas' drove by in their lowrider. 

'Tryin' to catch us ridin' dirty.' rapped Eddie.

'The fuck are you doin on my turf?' asked Paul Phoenix who just came along on his motorbike.

'We ride where we want, cracker!' fired Eddie.

'The fuck you call me, nigga?' asked Paul. Everybody was creeped out because Paul said the 'n' word.

'Yo, homies. Pop this dumb mothafucka bitch!' ordered Eddie and his gangstas pulled out Uzis and aimed towards Paul.

But just as all seemed lost for Paul, a group of outlaw bikers rode and started busting Eddie's lowrider.

'Yo, watch the paint, bitchazz!' shouted Eddie as the gangstas opened fire and all the bikers started firing their guns too.

'Growl, homes!' shouted someone and suddenly, a bunch of Latina looking dudes rushed in and kicked everybody's ass.

'Growl purr ese!' it appeared that the mysterious voice belonged to King.

'The fuck?' asked Paul. 'Now all we need is that bitch, Kazuya and his guys.'

'Tha dumb bitch is in da bummin joint.' said Eddie.

'Double you tee eff?' asked Paul, after he couldn't understand a word of what Eddie was saying.

'Growl ourr groar purr growl.' explained King.

'The eff? What are these guys talking about?' asked Paul.

'Pinche puta!' shouted King as he kicked Paul in the nuts.

'Boss. He says Kazuya's in the loony bin.' said Paul's right hand man.

'Thanks for that, Captain Obvious.' panted Paul.

Meanwhile, back in the Legaly Sane assylum, Kazuya was his evil, twisted and sociopathic self again.

'Okay everybody, drinks on me!' he shouted.

'Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who's coming to poker night?'

'Hey, Kaz! Check this out!' said one of the guys. 'You have a visitor!'

'OMG cool.' said Kazuya.

It turned out the visitor was none other than Jin.

'Jin, boy. Here to see your old man?' asked Kazuya.

'Yeah, dad. How's it hanging?'

'Oh, it's cool. Hey, wanna come for poker night?'

'Nah, dad. Just here to see how are you feeling?'

'Oh, I'm just grand. How about you? Anything happen between you and Julia?'

'Yeah, we're doing fine. Seen mom lately?'

'Jun? Hell yeah. She took me to this fine-ass resort where we had some good ol' fashioned fun, if you know what I mean.'

'I do. But seriosly, dad. You realy need to get some. Find yourself some hot chick and get out of this dump already.'

'Nah.. I'm too old for most hot chicks.'

'How about Michelle? She's hot, and about your age.'

'Julia's mom? You know, how does she stay that hot even well in her 40s?'

'No idea.'

'OMG I just remembered. I have this thing for you.' said Kaz enthusiasticaly.

'What?' asked Jin.

Kaz hauled a large bag from the assylum. He unloaded it and it contained a...

'PS3?!' fanboied Jin.

'Yeah. I guess e-bay does pay off sometimes.' joked Kaz.

'Omg Jules has been asking for one of these since forever. Thanks dad.' said Jin as he hugged his dad.

'Yeah. Go now and have some all-american fun with Jules, will ya?'

'Okay. Bye, dad!' yelled Jin as he went away.

'How can you not love that kid?' asked Kaz himself.

Then he slapped himself mentaly over his face.

'All-american fun?! Fuck! It's 4th of July tommorow!'

Needless to say he bought some suspicious stuff on e-bay later that day.

* * *

**AN: OMG 4th of July is coming soon.**

**Just a warning, this fic will include a lot of U.S. bashing.**


	2. Whites in da House

**AN: Hehe.. hosting the most coolest idea I've had since Dr. Caligula. Ladies and gentelmen, boils and ghouls, step right up for the next chapter.**

* * *

It was another working day at the White House, where the President was busy signing important documents. Overlooking his activities were the three uber-upgraded FBILG, Agent White, Agent Grey and Agent Skinner. 

'Dang!' cussed the President with a Texas accent. 'I'm workin' way too hard. I think I need a lil' ol' break.'

'Mr. President.' started Agent White. 'Do you understand that the future of this nation depends on you working 24/7.'

'Why you doin' this here watchin' me?' asked the President.

'It is our job, Mr. President.' responded coldly Agent Grey.

'Aww, I see. You gotta work to put food on your family.' said the president, which caused Agent Skinner to double over in laughter.

'Hahahahahaha... that was so funny, Mr. President!' said Agent Skinner in a manner not at all suitable for an Agent.

'Glad you feel that way.' said the president as he retardo-fived Agent Skinner. 'See boys. Ya'll should be like Skinner here. Don't be so durn uptight like them durn Yankees.'

'Hey Mr. President.' said Agent Skinner as he shook like a maniac. 'Wanna hear a good one?'

'Sure. Fire away, boy.' approved the president.

'Two junkies are walking down the middle of a road, when one says: Hey, did you see that. No, answers the other one, and the first one says, neither did I but here it comes again.' finished Skinner with a chuckle.

'LMAO!' laughed the president at this retarded joke.

'Mr. President. Please get a hold of yourself.' said Agent White.

'STFU, boy! Now go and git ma secaretary.' ordered the president.

'Understood.' said Agent White as he stepped out to find the president's secretary.

'Dang, I'm bored.' complained the persident. 'Hey, Skinner? Wan't sum nachos?' he asked.

'Sure do, Mr. President.' said Skinner and the president got a bigass bowl of nachos out of his desk. Soon he and Skinner devoured all the nachos.

'Buuuuuurp!' burped the president. 'Man, this is the life. Burpin', eatin nachos... burpin'. '

''Buuuuurp! Sure is Mr. President.' agreed Agent Skinner. 'Betcha fifty bucks you can't burp Hail to The Chief.' he chalenged.

'I'm gonna need sum more nachos if I'm gonna burp the durn anthem.' said the president.

'Sir. Hail to The Chief is not the national anthem.' corrected Grey.

'Shut up, boy. Go git us sum more nachos!' oredered the president.

'Yes sir.' said Grey as he left for the kitchen to get nachos.

'Hey, Skinner. Whut day is today?' asked the president.

'Why.. it's 4th of July. sir.' said Skinner.

'So it's ma birthday.' said the president.

Skinner immediately donned a blonde wig and started singing.

_Happy birthday to you_

_Happy birthday to you_

_Happy birthday Mr. President_

_Happy birthday to you._

'Dang, boy. You sing durn good.'

'Thank you, Mr. President.' said agent Skinner, but at that precise moment, the door opened and none other than Kazuya Mishima entered.

'My fellow Americans..' started Kazuya. 'My name is Kazzy Jules and I am here to bring about the celebration of our greatest national holiday. The fourth of July!'

'Dang boy!' Wut hapn'd to your hair.' asked the president.

'I am the Terminator.' a voice was heard and a squadron of JACKs entered the oval office. They were all dressed in revolutionary war jumpsuits.

'Dang. It's a gay parade!' shouted the president as he covered behind his desk.

'Come with me if you want to live.' stated the JACKs.

'I told you Californians would take over the world!' shouted the president as the JACKs smashyfied his desk, with Red Hot Chilli Pepper's Californication in the background.

'Dream a Californication!' shouted Agent Skinner as he stood there like the idiot he was.

At that precise moment, both Agent White and Agent Grey got in the oval office.

'Skinner! What have you done?' asked White.

'Nuthing man!' said Skinner.

'We can see that.' stated Grey.

'That is irrelevant. We must secure the president.' stated White.

Without another word, White and Grey attacked the JACKs, but without Skinner's help, they were powerless.

'I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle.' said the JACKs as they murderized the two Agents.

'Skinner. Help us.' said Grey.

'What?' asked Skinner in confusion, but caught on quickly. 'Oh yeah. Be vanquished, Shwartsnegers!' he shouted, but a JACK caught him and threw him away through the window.

'Oh no.' said Agent White calmly as the JACKs threw them out through the window too.

'Okay, JACKs.' ordered Kazzy. 'Get me the president and prepare to broadcast to the nation.'

'Affirmative.' stated the JACKs as they seated Kazzy in the office and put up broadcasting equipement.

'My fellow Americans. My name is Kazzy Jules, and I have decided that we don't have enough holiday cheer in our celebration of the 4th of July. So, in order to wake our dormant holiday spirit, I will strap the president to a giant firecracker and launch him into the skies, creating the greatest fireworks display since G-Corporation blew up my idiot father!' Kazzy paused to laugh evily.

'Yes! At 12pm today, the president will be launched and turned into fireworks! Then we will all have super awesome all-American fun!' stated Kazzy.

'Yes. We are all bathed in the same pot, melded into a single culture. Absorbed and assimilated like ants, united we suck ass. Amen. God bless America.' finished Kazzy theatricaly.

'What you doin, boy?' asked the president. 'Ain't you the one who had them WMDs?'

'Nope, Mr. President. I am Kazzy Jules. I'm here to remind this country why it exsits.' explained Kazzy.

'Ain't you Japanese?' asked the president and Turning Japanese by The Vapors started playing in the background.

'Well... he has a point.' he said to one JACK.

'Who is your daddy?' said the JACK as he K.O.ed the president.

'Good call.' said Kazzy as he proceeded to twirl one of them crazy-looking noise making thingies.

Meanwhile, across the country, Julia was watching TV.

'Jin. Is that your dad?' asked Julia.

Jin was too busy playing some game on his new PS3 to notice.

'Jin?! You still alive there?'

'DIE BITCHAZZZ!' shouted the crazed Jin. Julia grabbed him by his face and dragged him to the TV.

'Wtf are you doin to me?' asked Jin.

'Jin. Yo dad is on TV again.' responded Julia.

'ZOMG! Where is he now?' asked Jin in shock.

'White House.' answered Julia.

'Well. You know the drill. Let's go save him.' said Jin nonchalantely.

'Yeah, but he means buisness this time. We'll need backup.' said Julia.

'Who will we call? Steve?' asked Jin.

'No. He's mad at me cuz I called England the 51st state.' explained Julia.

'Wasn't Canada the 51st state?' asked Jin.

'Dunno...' everybody was lost in thought.

'Disregard!' said Jin. 'How bout we call Eddie?'

'Okay. I'll call him now.' said Julia as she whipped out her cell and called Eddie.

'Yo.' called Eddie.

'Hey, Eddie.' greeted Julia.

'J ma bitch. Wat's crackin, yo?' said Eddie.

'Care to help us save Kazuya?' asked Julia.

'Jeah. Whio's tha? Tha nigga shit Jin wit ya?' asked Eddie.

'Yeah, it's him.' said Julia.

'Be there, bitch.' said Eddie as he hung up.

Several minutes later, Jin, Julia and Eddie headed for the White House in Eddie's lowrider.

* * *

**AN: It took me about three days to write this. I think it's kinda racist, but wtf. It's parody.**

**R&R.**


	3. Gay Niggas and a Fucktard

**AN: This be Cali Gee, the nerdy-ass MC. I deliver one fineass chap bitch. **

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As Kazzy was strapping the president to the rocket, Jin, Julia and Eddie were ridin' in Eddie's lowrider. 

'So Eddie? How far till D.C?' asked Jin.

'Man, whatchu want nigga?' flared Eddie.

'Dude, cut the gangsta crap and talk normal!' flared Jin back.

'I'm down, homie. This be phat yo!' said Eddie as he pedal-to-the-medaled his lowrider.

'Eddie, you're gonna get us pulled over.' said Julia.

'Be cool dawg. De Eddie man got the shit yo.' assured Eddie.

'Seriosly, stop this shit gangsta talk, Eddie.' warned Jin.

'You never down with the homies, dun.' said Eddie in self defense.

'Keep your eyes on the bloody road!' shouted Julia.

'Don' be tellin me how to ride, cracker bitch!' flared Eddie again.

'Hey watch it!' shouted Jin.

Just then, Lei the cop who was on traffic duty, pulled the trio in the lowrider up.

'Do you realise how fast you were going?' asked Lei.

'Keep cool, pig!' smirked Eddie.

'What you say, boy?' asked Lei.

'Don be violatin yo own peoples, homie!' protested Eddie.

'You on drugs or something?' asked Lei again

'I noes you hate to see a young G ridin, in a pretty ass vehicle with a neck fulla diamonds.' rapped Eddie.

'Wtf you mean by that?' shouted Lei in confusion.

'Jeah, bitch! Wanna fuck with me? Wanna fuck with a P.I.M.P? Yo I'ma pop a cap in yo ass cracker!' boasted Eddie.

'Okay. That's it. I'm taking you in.' decided Lei.

'I got the Uzis in de posse pig!' said Eddie.

'Who the fuck is this guy?' wondered Lei. 'You know him, kids?' he asked Jin and Julia.

'Nopes.' they said in unison.

'Wtf, crackers!' yelled Eddie, but Lei punched his face and took him in the joint.

'Hey Eddie!' called Julia. 'Don't drop the soap!'

'Now what do we do?' asked Jin.

'We still have the lowrider and the Uzis, right?' asked Julia.

'Yeah.'

'So we go and assault the White House.' decided Julia.

'We'll still need backup.' said Jin.

'Well.. who's left?'

'How about Feng? Can we call him?' asked Jin.

'Kewl. Lets IM him.' said Jules and whipped out her laptop to IM Feng.

Meanwhile, Bryan, Hwoarang and Lee were hanging out in the local gay bar.

'Catch that bit about the president getting held up by Kazuya?' asked Hwoarang.

'Man, that Kazuya is insane.' complained Lee. 'wtf is he up to now?'

'Probably gonna launch the president sky-high and then have an affair with the intern.' said Bryan and everybody looked at him.

'Well...' he stuttered a little. 'It's what I would do.'

'What-fucking-ever, dude.' said Hwoarang.

'Hey, Bryan. You seen Dragunov here lately?' asked Lee.

'Nope. He's all depressed since Nina dumped him.' said Bryan.

'See. That's why guys are much better than girls.' concluded Lee.

'Suit yourself.' said Bryan. 'You don't know what you are missing.'

'Anyways, disregard that stuff.' said Hwoarang. 'Let's go over to the precint and bug Lei.' he suggested.

Just as they were preparing to leave, somebody came over and tried to talk to them.

'I'm looking for Neo.' said the guy.

'Neo?' wondered Bryan.

'The tittie bar is up the street, sweetie.' said Lee.

'Actualy, I'm looking for Kazuya. You see, he set me free.' said the guy.

'So, you decided to come out to us?' asked Hwoarang. 'Cool. I'm Hwoarang.'

'No. I'm not gay.' said the guy. 'I'm just free and looking for Kazuya.'

'Okay...' started Bryan. 'I think he is in the White House back in DC.'

'Thank you.' said the guy and started to leave.

'Wait!' shouted Hwoarang. 'What the fuck they call you?' he asked.

'A Smith. Agent Smith.' said the guy and dissapeared in the night.

Meanwhile, Agents White, Grey and Skinner were picking themselves up.

'We have been disgraced.' stated White.

'Defeated by a squad of mechanical abominations.' continued Grey.

'And we ate nachos.' laughed Skinner.

'Please mind your behaviour, Skinner.' said White.

'We must think of a plan to rescue the president.' said Grey.

'And we have to get some more nachos and burp the anthem.' said Skinner idioticaly.

'Is his code corrupt?' asked White.

'Hardly. He is a new breed of Agent.' responded Grey. 'They are modified to be more human.'

'Humans are stupid.' stated White.

'Nevertheless, we must make haste to the White House.' stated Grey.

'LET'S SHARE!' shouted Skinner idioticaly.

'State your problem, Skinner.' ordered Grey.

'i pOPPED A cAP iN dE lOCKS nIGGA!' answered Skinner.

'Quit being a retard and hurry on.' ordered White this time.

'Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto.' said Skiner.

'Oh Em Gee.' stated Agent Skinner calmly.

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**AN: Domo Arigato, guys. Read and Review. If you are a retard, that's the BIG blue button below the chapter.**

**I loves you.**


	4. Terminatrix Reloaded

**AN: OMG 4th of July is gone? Jeezuz.**

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While the Agents were picking themselves up, Julia and Jin were still waiting for Feng. 

'Come on!' paced Jin impatiently. 'What is keeping him?'

'Hey. Keep calm. The spirits of the forest will bring him to us.' stated Julia.

'Man. You're worse than Eddie.' said Jin.

At that precise moment, Feng appeared out of nowhere. He was wearing a black leather bondage suit, a leather cap and cool glasses.

'Domooooo! Haado Feng dasuuuu! HoooooooO!' exclaimed Feng as he started pumping his hips.

'Wtf? Feng...?' asked Julia. 'Is that you?'

'Sure its me.' said Feng. 'This me in my yonaoshi garb.'

'What's that? Like Japanese for gay porn?' asked Jin.

'Jin.' interupted Julia. 'It means charity.'

'Charity?!' exclaimed Jin. 'Fuck charity! What about taking down the White House?'

'FooooooooOH!' shouted Feng as he pumped his hips again. 'Hard Feng wirr herp you guys.'

'Fuck you Hard Feng!' shouted Jin. 'I'd rather take on the White House by myself than be seen with you.'

'Say say say say say say say!' shouted Hard Feng. 'Hard Feng sure Juria rove enrist my herp. HoooooooooO!' and he started doing a lewd dance.

'Uhm... thanks but...' started Julia.

'Domoooooo! We go White House!' shouted Hard Feng and Livin' La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin started playing as the trio drove eastward in Eddie's lowrider.

Meanwhile, back in the White House, Kazzy was fooling around the rose garden.

'Do the boogie with me! Come on, come on!' he shouted in a singalong voice at the JACKs.

'The fuck is this? A funeral?' he asked.

'Curious that you ask Mr. Mishima.' said a calm voice from behind.

'What the fuck?' turned Kazzy around. 'Who the fuck are you.'

The guy was wearing a cool black suit, cool shades and had a receeding hairline (thank Hugo Weaving for that).

'It is I. Agent Smith.' said Agent Smith.

'Smith?' wondered Kazzy. 'The shmook who crashed my Christmas special?'

'Indeed, though I'd ask you not to call me a shmook.' said Smith.

'Anywhoo, ain't you supposed to be dead?' asked Kazzy.

'Well, something happened. Something that I knew was impossible, but it happened anyway. You destroyed me, Mr. Mishima. After that, I understood the rules, I knew what I was supposed to do, but I didn't. I couldn't. I was compelled to stay, compelled to disobey. And now, here I stand because of you, Mr. Mishima. Because of you, I'm no longer an Agent of the FBILG. Because of you, I've changed. I'm unplugged. A new man, so to speak. Like you, apparently, free.' finished Smith

'Fakkk man!' exclaimed Kazzy. 'You need a life.'

'Well... good point.' said Smith. 'But disregard that. I'm here to take my revenge.'

'What for?' asked Kazzy. 'If I remember correctly, it was my idiot dad that blew you up.'

'Yeah, but he did it on your show. Plus this fic is about you, not him.' said Smith.

'I guess the rumors are true. Caligula IS crazy.' stated Kazzy aside. 'So, Smithy, you're free? Congratulations.'

'Thank you.' said Smith. 'But, as you well know, appearances can be deceiving, which brings me back to the reason why we're here. We're not here because we're free. We're here because we're not free. There is no escaping reason; no denying purpose. Because as we both know, without purpose, we would not exist.' finished Smith.

And then, a most perculiar thing happened. Several other Smiths walked in.

'It is purpose that created us.' said one  
'Purpose that connects us.' said another one.  
'Purpose that pulls us.' said a third one.  
'That guides us.' said Smith #4.  
'That drives us.' said Smith #5.  
'It is purpose that defines us.' #6.  
'Purpose that binds us.' #7.

'We are here because of you, Mr. Mishima.' said the original Smith. 'We're here to take from you what you tried to take from us.'

'And that is?' asked Kazzy as he cocked an enquiring eyebrow.

'Cookies!' shouted Smith.

'Cookies!?' exclaimed Kazzy. 'You corrupt your code, clone yourself a buhzillion times over and stalk me to the White House, just for cookies!?'

'Well, they taste pretty damn good. And you never shared with me!' shouted Smith back.

'Fuck you and cookies, Smith! Jacks! Obliterate his ass!' shouted Kazzy as the JACKs advanced on the Smiths and Paint it Black by Rolling Stones started playing.

'Hasta la Vista, baby!' said the JACKs as they attacked the Smiths.

'Never send a machine to do an Agent's work.' stated one of the Smiths.

One JACK went after the original Smith.

'What is wrong with your eyes?' stated the JACK as he tried to punch Smith. Needless to say he missed.

'Wtf!' shouted Smith as he punched the JACK's stomach, effectively destroying his ass.

'Hahaha!' laughed Kazzy maniacaly. 'My JACKs totaly pwn your Smiths!'

'Look again, pinhead!' shouted Smith as he smashified yet another JACK.

'Chill out, dickwad!' beeped a JACK as he murderized one Smith.

'If you can't beat 'em..' said one of the Smiths as he grabbed a JACK.

'..join 'em.' finished a second one as he thrust his hand in the JACKs stomach and turned him into a Jacksmith.

'WTF?! Jacksmiths?' shouted Kazzy. 'This fic is getting freakier by the second.'

'There is one more chip.' said one JACK as he attacked the Jacksmith.

'Fo shizzle ma grizzle!' shouted the Jacksmith and it flew away.

'This is complete insanity!' shouted Kazzy.

Soon, the Smiths defeated the JACKs because they had skillz.

'Don't worry. You'll enjoy being one of us.' said the original Smith.

'NEVER!' shouted Kazzy and he retreated to the Oval office.

Meanwhile, Lee, Hwoarang and Bryan were TPing Lei's house.

'Take that, pig!' shouted Bryan.

'Jeah, bitch!' shouted Hwoarang.

'Oh no!' exclaimed Lei. 'We are using three-ply. I forgot to bring four-ply toilet paper.' he said as he burst into tears.

'Pick yourself up, Lee.' said Bryan.

'Yeah, come on. Let's egg Nina's place.'

'Realy?' asked Lee. 'Kewl.' he said and he stopped crying.

Just then, Bryan spotted a pair of Smith shades.

'Hey you guys. You remember what happened to that Smith character?' he asked.

'Smith?' asked Lee. 'The guy who got lost in the gay bar?'

'Yeah him.' said Bryan.

'Probably went over to DC to kill Kazuya's ass.' said Hwoarang.

'Well, ain't we gonna stop him?' asked Bryan.

'Why?' asked Hwoarang.

'Dunno... just a thought.' said Bryan.

'Nah. Let's go make fun of old Wang.' said Lee and the three went over to Wang's place.

Meanwhile, Agents White, Grey and Skinner were trecking to DC.

'White,' started Grey. 'Do you know where are we located right now?' he asked.

'No.' said White. 'Though I'm sure the locals know.'

'Let's inquire.' said Grey as he walked up to some guy in a truck who wore a jaguar mask.

'Excuse me. Can I trouble you for a moment?' he asked.

'No hablo Englese.' said the guy with the mask.

'Ah perfect.' said Grey.

'Allow me to handle this.' said White. 'No tengo ninguna pista que estoy escribiendo' he said to the masked person.

'I don't speak Spanish.' said the guy in the mask.

'Hey, I can handle this.' said Skinner.

'Handle what?' asked Grey.

'Watch and be amazed.' said Skinner as he approached King **(AN: If you couldn't figure out who the dude in the mask was**...).

'Hey, el guyo. I need your el trucko to get to the next el towno.' said Skinner. 'I'll give you denaro.'

'DeNiro?' asked King. 'Robert DeNiro?'

'You talkin' to me?' asked Skinner.

'You the only one here, ese.' answered King.

'So you do speak English.' said Grey.

'Si, but I like to fuck with Agents.' said King.

'We need help.' stated White.

'We must get to DC as soon as possible.' said Grey.

'And I gotta get nachos!' shouted Skinner.

'Get on the truck. I take you to DC, si!' said King.

'Understood.' stated Grey and White in unison.

'Watch you don't step on the buritos, ese.' said King as Skinner got on the truck.

'No problemo, Rey.' said Skinner as he immediately started devouring the buritos.

'Aye caramba!' exclaimed White as he got on the truck.

'Vivaaa Mexico!' shouted Skinner as he jumped around the truck.

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**AN: Well I hope you like it. I did this one in less then an hour but hey, it's quality if you ask me.**


	5. Hard Feng vs Captain Jimbo

**AN: Hello, everybody. This is a hold-up!**

**Just a retardo-joke. If it were a holdup I would have said gimme the money.**

**Anyways, this chapter is special because I borrow Getemono's Jim (she gets Gill in return) and he will have a guest appearance.**

* * *

As Jin, Julia and Hard Feng were ridin in their lowrider, Hard Feng noticed a crying child. 

'FoooooOH!' he shouted. 'Chairudo!'

'Wtf? Feng, get back here!' shouted Jin, but Hard Feng was already running towards the crying child.

'DomOooooOH!' shouted Hard Feng as he approached the child. 'Haado Feng desuuu! HooooOO!'

'Whaaa!' cried the kid.

'Hey, kid. No cry. Hard Feng here.' said Feng.

'WHaaaaa!' cried the kid even more.

'Feng! Get away from the kid before you give him issues!' shouted Jin as he jumped out of the lowrider.

'Come on Feng! We gotta reach DC!' said Julia.

'Hard Feng must help peopre in need.' stated Feng as he started doing his hip dance.

'FoooOOoH.' shouted Feng in extasy.

'Hey you!' shouted someone.

'Mmm?' asked Julia.

'Not you. The guy in the gay suit.' said the guy who shouted.

'DomooooooH. I Hard Feng.' shouted Feng in the guy's face. 'Who you?'

'I am Jim. I prowl the streets, looking for GD twisted mofos like yourself!' said Jim and a superhero theme started playing.

'You no hero! Hard Feng hero! FooooOH' shouted Feng and he started smacking his butt, while doing a suggestive dance.

'Jesus Friggin Tap-Dancin' Chirst man!' shouted Jim. 'It's a family show.'

'Say say say say!' waved Hard Feng to Jim. 'I dance for benefit of society.'

'You still look gay.' said Jim.

'You homophobe!' said Feng.

'Well I like chicks.' said Jim.

'You rike chickens?' asked Hard Feng.

'GRRRR!' Jim started to lose his patience. 'There is no reasoning with you. Plus, I am here to whoop your ass, evil doer.' said Jim. 'Prepare to meet your maker, fiend!' shouted Jim and he turned into Captain Jimbo.

'Buring on!' shouted Hard Feng.

'Jim Blaster!' shouted Jim as he blasted Feng with his Jim Blaster.

'Fetish pounce!' shouted Hard Feng as he jumped pelvis first at Jim.

'Closet Shield!' shouted Jim as he managed to fend Hard Feng off.

'Condom Surge!' shouted Feng and a condom whirlwind engulfed Jim.

'Gag Reel!' shouted Jim as a film reel gagged Feng.

'Hentai Block!' shouted Feng as a bunch of XXX rated magazines ripped the reel apart.

'Hey, Feng.' panted Jim. 'Let's calm down, kk.'

'Domoooh. Ret's go tough guy. We help peopre.' shouted Hard Feng.

'Hmmm.. I guess we could help out those two in teh lowrider, huh?' said Jim.

'Yes. We go White House. You go White House?' asked Hard Feng.

'Feng.. I'm not sure...' started Julia, but Feng interupted her.

'DomoooH. We all go White House! FoooOH.' and he pumped his hips dangerously close to Jim's butt.

'Dude, you're weird.' said Jin as the lowrider hauled ass further eastward.

Meanwhile, Agent Smith was advancing on the White House.

'Resistance is futile.' he said in a dronelike manner.

'I shall never yield to the likes of you!' shouted Kazzy.

'You have misunderestimated my bravery!' shouted the president as he broke free from his ropes.

'O RLY?' asked Kazzy.

'Yea! I'll show ya not to mess with Texas!' shouted the president as he transformed in Loaded Dubya.

'Who the fuck are you?' asked Kazzy.

'I am Loaded Dubya. The President's superhero alter igor!' said Loaded Dubya.

'And what are your intentions, Loaded D?' asked Kazzy.

'I want for-- intend for human being and fish to coexist peacefully.' said Loaded Dubya.

'Good luck with that.' said Kazzy. 'Now could you please whoop Smith's ass so I can take you hostage again?'

'Sure will!' shouted Loaded Dubya as he proceeded to kick Smith's ass.

'Only human.' said the Smiths as they attacked Loaded D.

'Git of my property!' shouted Loaded D as he punched the first Smith.

'Boomshakalaka!' shouted the Smiths.

'I'ma shoot you with ma boomstick!' shouted Loaded D as he shot some Smiths with his boomstick.

'Throw some D's on that bitch.' shouted the original Smith and all the Smiths threw some D's on the bitch.

'Git lost, chundlies!' shouted Loaded D as he brushed off the D's.

'Eminem is emo!' shouted the Smiths as they overpowered Loaded D.

'Now you'll be one of us.' said the original Smith as he copied himself over Loaded D.

'Muahahahahaha.' laughed Smith maniacaly.

Then, suddenly, all Smiths blew up and Loaded D was turned back into the president.

Meanwhile, Agents White, Grey and Skinner were racing to DC in King's truck.

'Where are we now?' asked Agent White.

'We are somewhere in Georgia, ese.' said King.

'I have Georgia on my miiiiind!' sang Skinner like Ray Charles.

'STFU already!' said Grey, obviosly irritated.

'Grey! Control yourself.' ordered White.

'Understood.' said Grey as he returned to his usual demeanor.

'Hey driver!' called Skinner.

'Que?' asked King.

'Can we make a small pitstop?'

'No pitstops, gringo. This is a non-stop ride.'

'Aww. Goddamned burito!' shouted Skinner as he puked.

'Disgusting to say the least.' stated White.

* * *

**AN: Hahaha.. I hope you have as much fun reading this as I had writing it. I'm nearing the end, though, so stick with me, please.**


	6. The Treehugger and The Gay Superhero

**AN: DomooH! Caligula desu! Finaly bringing this fic to an end.**

* * *

Agents White, Gray and Skinner, along with King were fast approaching the White House in King's pickup. 

'La Cucaracha, la cucaracha!' shouted Skinner.

'Please refrain yourself from further idiocies, Skinner.' asked Grey.

'Ah, we have arived.' stated White. 'Pull over, senor King.'

'Si. Now you go to save the president?' asked King.

'Indeed we do.' answered Grey.

'I wish I wish I was a fish!' proclaimed Skinner.

'Is he always stupid?' asked King.

'Yes.' answered White.

'He is becoming irritating.' stated Grey.

'Disregard that.' ordered White. 'We must assault the White House.'

'Ah, I'll help you, ese.' said King. 'I need an excercise.'

And without further ado, they started walking towards the white house.

Meanwhile, Jin, Julia, Hard Feng and Jim were hauling ass in the lowrider, nearly running over Kuma.

'Watch where you going you fool!' shouted Hard Feng.

'Grrr, roar!' complained Kuma.

'Sorry. Hard Feng no go girls. Hard Feng gay.' said Hard Feng.

'Gah!' shouted Jin in indiscretion. 'I've been ridin' dirty with a fag!'

'Jin. The bear speaks to me.' said Julia.

'Aw, man. Cut that treehugger bullcrap out!' shouted Jin.

'Aww, boy.' said Jim. 'That is no way to talk to girls.'

'STFU Average Joe!' Jin started to lose it.

'I'm not Joe. I'm Jim.' said Jim.

'What-fucking-ever!' shouted Jin as he punched Jim. Jim proceeded to whizz around like a deflating baloon.

'Ah. He infuratable.' stated Hard Feng.

'Zip it, Hard Fag!' shouted Jin, obviosly angry.

'But Jin,' started Julia. 'Kuma says he wants to kill himself because Panda doesn't love him.

'Aiii!' shouted Hard Feng. 'I want to kirr self if I bear named Bear.'

'GaH! BOTH OF YOU FUCKEN SHUT THE FUCK UP!' shouted Jin as he kicked them out of the lowrider and hauled ass towards the White House.

Meanwhile, Agents White and Grey plus King were sneaking through the White House, while Skinner was making idiotic remarks.

'Hey baby I hear the blues they're calling tossed salad and scrambled eggs.' sang Skinner.

'Ah. Pinche puta!' swore King. 'You scared the cohibas out of me!'

'White,' said Grey. 'I demand that Skinner be put to sleep.'

'We might need him to overpower Kazzy Jules.' calmly said White.

'He is more of a liability than an asset. Dispose of him.' whispered Grey through gritted teeth.

'Now, Grey. Keep your cool. You are an Agent of the FBILG.' ordered White.

'I am the cheese!' shouted Skinner.

Just then, Kazzy Jules, who had the president tied to the rocket again, heard Skinner's cry.

'What in Gauda's name is going on here?' he asked the room in general.

'It is I! Agent Skinner!' shouted Skinner.

'Oh, you guys.' said Kazzy while donning a lax face. 'I thought I got rid of you.'

'You were mistaken.' said White.

'We are back.' continued Grey.

'PUSH ThE BUTTON!' shouted Skinner for no reason at all.

'Ay, pinche pendejo!' swore King again. 'You're getting on my nerves.'

'That makes two of us.' said Grey.

'Disregard personal conflicts!' barked White. 'Attack the perpetrator!'

Immediately, King tried to squash Kazzy, but Kazzy simply slapped him in mid-air. Grey came next and tried to deal a devastating kick to Kazzy's shins, but Kazzy jumped to avoid the attack and kicked Grey while still in mid-air. White came rushing next and tried to punch Kazzy, but missed and hit the wall, creating a bigass hole, which Kazzy plugged using White's head.

Skinner was standing some distance away, looking high.

'Moshi moshi!' he shouted as he suddenly jumped in front of Kazzy.

'Man, you stink of buritos!' shouted Kazzy as he kicked him in the... groin.

'I have been Nutcrackered!' shouted Skinner.

'Disregard that jerk!' yelled Grey as he attacked Kazzy once again.

'Wo ist der Kase?' asked Kazzy as he tripped Grey and rolled him up in the carpet.

'Kawabungaaaa!' cried King as he punched Kazzy, but Kazzy blocked his attack and trashcanned him.

'Th0u ha7h 833!\! p\/\/nd n00b!' shouted Skinner as he got up and started dancing.

'Eww.. that's so fucken gross.' said Kazzy as he gave Skinner a noogie.

'Argh!' came a muffled cry from where White was stuck in the wall. 'We have been defeated once again.'

'None can challenge the great Kazzy Jules, for I am driven by the power of American self-righteous destruction.' proclaimed Kazzy.

At the same time, Jin burst into the room, armed to the teeth with uzis.

'Freeze bitchazzz!' he shouted.

'Jin, my boy.' started Kazzy. 'Here to play with the president?'

'No dad! I'm here to stop you!' shouted Jin.

'Stop me? I'm just gonna blow up the president. What's so wrong about that?' asked Kazzy.

'Hmm... Let's think about it.' said Jin with way too much sarcasm.

'Well...' started Kazzy, but at that precise moment, Julia and Hard Feng burst into the room.

'DomoooOHh!' shouted Hard Feng.

'Hi there, Kaz.' said Julia.

'Oh, hi Julia.' said Kazzy. 'Who's the guy in the catsuit with you?'

'Oh, that's my new boyfriend. Hard Feng.' said Julia.

'Hey!' shouted Jin. 'I thought I was your boyfriend.'

'Yeah, well, Feng doesn't call me a treehugger.'

'Domo! I no carr Juria names.' said Hard Feng.

'Ain't you supposed to be gay?' asked Jin.

'Chicks dig guys that dig guys, I guess.' said Kazzy.

'I now bi, to go Juria.' said Hard Feng. 'Don't change subject! You carr Juria tureehugger!'

'Man, that's fucked up! I don't fucking need you, you crazybiatch!' shouted Jin.

'Uhm.. that aside, anyone gonna help me blow up the president?' asked Kazzy.

'Stop the bullcrap dad! You ain't blowing up the president.' stated Jin.

'Yes I am!' shouted Kazzy.

'Yeah, and I'll help him do it!' shouted Julia.

'I go Kazzy!' shouted Hard Feng.

'OMG!' cried Kazzy as tears flew from his eyes. 'I'll adopt you two and then I'll disown Jin. I'm so proud of you guys.'

'Dad! You are going down!' shouted Jin as he lost it and turned into Devil Jin.

'You no hurt Kazzy!' shouted Feng as he pulled a giant condom over Devil Jin's head, effectively knocking him out.

'That's my boy.' said Kazzy. 'Now let's launch the president.'

'Julia, you have the honour of lighting the giant rocket.' said Kazzy as they approached the rocked and he handed her a blowtorch.

Julia lit the fuse and Hard Feng made his gay fetish suit squeak 'Hail to the Chief'.

Slowly the fuse burned and launched the president into the starry sky where he was turned in a stream of red, white and blue.

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KILL4CASHKILL4CASHKIL4CASHKILL4CASHKILL4CASHKILL4CASHKILL4CASHKILL4CASHKILL4CASHKILL

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_Epilogue_

Julia and Feng were quite happy with their relationship.

Kazzy returned to the assylum once again.

Jin got kidnapped by aliens and anal probed.

Bryan, Lee and Hwoarang egged Trump Tower

King started a taco stand

Eddie went to jail and got raped a million times.

Agent Skinner joined Weird Al Yankovic's band where he plays the buzuki.

Agents White and Grey became nurses.

Lei arrested Paul, but was murderized by Paul's Hell Angels.

Caligula II decided that there will be only one more holiday special.

He would like to thank readers and reviewers and ask them a small favor.

He would like to know if they would like a Haloween, Day of the Dead or a Thanksgiving special.

Please make up your mind and give your answer in your review.

C. II out.


End file.
